Champion Chopper Gordon and I bought like 12 lbs of yams. little much.

Me and Uncle Marc

Me confused/hungry

I somehow created a block of pics here...so tried to make them small and orderly but I failed. hopefully it's not too hard to figure out what's what: Uncle Pete giving a nice massage to Grandma Sil, Grandma Sil in a headlock, Nervous bystanders as Uncle Pete serves turkey, Couch time with awesome Grandma Lee- Ben's Dad/Dave -Mom Siri- Ben and G-ma Lee's husband Bennet, oops

Long overdue halloween pics... Awful quality and in backwards order because I suck at blogging

Ben conveniently went to space camp when he was 11.
Sarah (works at the Shit Hotel too) with Wayne and Garth. These people were nuts- we were kinda sauced walking to some other bar and they did like a 20 minute Wayne's World routine. wildly authentic.

Die Die My Darling. Awesome.
A guest at the hotel actually thought I worked for NASA. She said WOW what is that like? And I thought, yes, yes, I'm a fucking rocket scientist that also works the front desk of a shit nasty hotel because that makes soo much sense. Then she remembered why she was dressed like a super slutty kitty cat.
These guys were so yuck I just had to take a picture. They had condoms taped to their shirts filled with uncomfortably realistic looking bodily fluids inside.

Galileo's middle finger.

Words of wisdom: "Chopping vegetables is like welding. You have to move and cut at the same time." -Benjamin L. Gordon

11/13/2009 04:33 PM Mr. Bender from 138 called and said that the bedside table was in the middle of the room and the lamp was on the bed and all of it was heavy so could someone come help move it. Jose went. He said the reason it was like this is because of a leak and that Hilda was supposed to put the room out of service yesterday because it smells like sewage. Mr. Bender doesn't seem to have noticed so...if he does I will move him. akb

Update: Ben passed his Search and Rescue final which involved finding golf balls on the bottom of the ocean. I guess he found them because he is now officially (he got a card) an advanced search and rescue diver. He is building a hydraulic machine that cuts wire in his hydraulics class. He wears special helmets in his surface supplied diving class. He needs clean clean socks to go in a chamber and sit in his hyperbarics class. Also, and I'm relatively unhappy about this one, he is participating in "no-shave november" but he doesn't quite grow hair in all the usual places (not ready yet?) so he has a sort of goatee and extra long sideburns. And maybe his soul patch isn't a soul patch anymore and is now part of that damn goatee? Other than that he's been reading science fiction books from the public library and eating enough to feed a family of four. He made a lovely fennel pasta sauce the other night.

also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELVIS!!! I LOVE YOU DEARLY HAVE FUN TONIGHT!!!!

for Lonka: Hopa dollapa ik se te kapa!! and what's the one about the fingernail and the underpants? I forget- byth sth?

My hotel notes so far tonight...not much else interesting. I'm expanding my spanish vocab which now includes A que hora vienes? For when I need to ask the cute little dishwasher man what time he came to work so I can write it on his time-sheet. Also, the bar manager admonished me for shopping at american apparel because they were mean to woody allen.
11/12/2009 03:12 PM *********b shift******akb***************overcast**********
opening balance: $248.01
95 keys
11/12/2009 03:14 PM Girl came and asked to use phone to call guest Lavelle in room 336 because something about a fight with a boyfriend. Then a balding middle aged man came and asked how to get to room 336. This is the same girl that the maids noticed had a lot of "room traffic". I still think she might be a hooker or drug dealer or both. I looked on craigslist to see if there was an ad in the personals like 'come to room 336 at the Lemon Tree for a good bj' but didn't find one. akb
11/12/2009 05:44 PM Ms. Sherman, who has a reservation for tomorrow night called to request early check in (9:30am) and I told her I can't guarantee it tonight but that it shouldn't be a problem (her room is not occupied). akb
11/12/2009 06:30 PM Scott brought change for the register. akb
11/12/2009 06:30 PM Nathalie Antista, who sounded drunk, called and said that she left money and a burrito in room 116 and that she was shuffled out of the room this morning and she's pissed and wants the money back but doesn't care about the burrito. This is the drunk woman that had to be removed from Mr. Mannenburg's room this morning. I told her that I can't personally do anything for her and that she should call the manager M-F 7-3. Also, I told Scott about this and that I think Ms. Lavelle is a hooker. akb
11/12/2009 07:13 PM Wake up call room 125
11/12/2009 08:02 PM Guest from 112 came to aske about internet. I told him we have WIFI. He didn't know what that is. Probably because he's Australian. Is there an internet cafe on Haley street? I sent some Germans there earlier. Also, 3 towels room 112. akb

Apparently, I work at the Hotel where Jesse James Hollywood held a kid hostage before killing him and going on the lam in Brazil. If you go to the wikipedia article, it mentions the Lemon Tree under "Narcotics Operation and Murder".

My hotel notes aren't very interesting tonight so I won't post them. However, Ms. Bartlett came back and I noticed, while cheking her in to a room with 2 queen beds, that she lives on Foursome Drive...

Anytime anything happens, I'm supposed to write it down in the 'daily log'. This is what has happened tonight:

opening balance: $250.00
104 keys
11/02/2009 03:29 PM Ms. Harpole called (11/2/09) and said she just noticed the AAA rate which is $120 (she had booked at $130) and wanted the discount on the reservation she already made online. Then she said that our price online is $110. I looked and it is not, so maybe she was trying to trick me. I gave her the $120 AAA. akb
11/02/2009 04:59 PM Gail Anderson's son dropped off something in a brown bag and said that she has to "take it by midnight". He didn't think it needed to be refrigerated. This is the woman who is going to the hospital in the morning. Presumably it is medication of some sort and therby rather important. It is at the front desk. akb
11/02/2009 05:00 PM I changed a $20 for Jeneen. akb
11/02/2009 05:21 PM Winnie, a previous guest, called again from Hong Kong. Apparently she was charged twice for staying here. She has emailed and called at least twice. I told her that Hilda can be reached M-F 7am to 3pm. This is, apparently, exactly what she was told last night. She reminded me that there is a time difference in Hong Kong. I agreed. She said she would send another email to reservations@treeinns.com I apologized that there was nothing I could personally do for her. akb
11/02/2009 06:33 PM Ms Bartlett in room 116 called and said that there are some spiders and she is scared because they are not like the little baby spiders, however, they are also not particularly large. I offered to move her to another room. She asked me for "a spray or something". I told her I would look for a spray, she did not want to move just yet. akb
11/02/2009 06:42 PM I took a bottle of something blue marked "banos" from houskeeping and gave it to Ms. Bartlett in 116 for her spider problem. akb
11/02/2009 08:06 PM The guest in 115 called and said the tv didn't work. Christian watched the desk while I went to help. I plugged it into the other outlet and it worked. So I guess that means one of the outlets in room 115 is broken. akb

Working the front desk of a hotel is not nearly as exciting as I hoped it would be. It is not challenging or interesting. It is boring. 8 hours of boring. I haven't even used my new spanish phrase today- Tu necisitas los llaves? Which is what I plan to say to the housekeeping ladies if I think they might need the keys to something. I worked Halloween until 11 pm. It was non-stop drunk people needing things and that felt like it took forever. Also, it's hard to get people to take you seriously when wearing an astronaut jumpsuit (not counting the girl that actually thought I work for NASA and wanted to know what that was like). I'll put pictures tomorrow. I seriously need a (portable) hobby. Suggestions welcome.

I got a job (finally) here. Honestly, it sucks bolas.

Here's Mark looking at bones.

Here's looking at Mark's bones.

Ben proudly displays his bike, complete with new saddle (thanks Mollie!) and pedals which Mark forgot to send.

Note pink handle so Daddy can hold on if little Ben goes too fast.

This is the Grand Pu Bah in our kitchen.

And this is what it would look like if, instead of regular teeth, we had soy nuts for teeth.

Today I made my very first batch of pickles. It wasn't as challenging as I was hoping which would have occupied more of my time and left me with a greater sense of accomplishment . I have been job hunting with little success. Yesterday I had a one hour "try-out" at a cafe named Our Daily Bread (wretch). All of the other people there are hispanic. I thought, this will suck but maybe I could learn some Spanish. It went well and they said I did a good job. I was compensated with a sandwich and a baguette. The boss man, Beto, said he would call later or tomorrow morning. He hasn't called. I can't decide if I'm disappointed or not. So I made pickles. In any case, I expect to pickle more things in the future. There is even a Sur La Table down the street where Ben suggests we can get a crock to pickle things in a dark corner.

Dear Santa, Please make better parking laws. The current ones are stupid. You can't fucking see, and things like the "T-bone accident" that just happened, causing Ben to sprint to the corner happen, and interrupt my blogging. Please, just move the signs a bit farther from the corner. It's a good idea.

From the Ben Den:

Can we have codenames? Do you want to be Tenderfoot or Special Sauce?

WITNESS! the incident known as crowning as it pertains to a hugely obese man.

Sideshow freaks treat regular people as freaks.

Contrary to her long-standing belief, Anne has learned that peppercorns are not, as a point of fact, a type of corn.

in case you thought this was a good idea

we found a fake mustache machine. it's awesome

Remember Ben's "come over and take all my shit" party? (Ben Jay Rachel) Jay will be sorely missed. I'll post some of our fun soon. Tonight, just Jay.

Today was mostly spent searching for jobs (aside from my awesome 2 hour beach side bike ride). And even though I have emailed no less than 8 craigslist potential employers without receiving a single response, I am not at all feeling discouraged- desperate yes, discouraged no. Just now, I actually replied to a posting entitled "Brand Feedback Evaluators Required". I'm not sure if I did this out of curiosity- what products might I evaluate? will it burn?- or if I am satisfying a compulsion to DO SOMETHING. Don't get me wrong, being a bum, playing house and working on my tan are fantastic hobbies, but moving to a place where people sleep on the beach does not make me one of them. I'm bored, and the public library has the suckiest collection EVER. If I need to test out a lotion or get sick off of some newly canned product in order to feel like I'm moving forward so be it. At least I have some job applications to fill out tonight- ticket booth person at a real theater, Casual Living salesperson at the ACE home improvement center, and something at the zoo- the one that doesn't require 2 years experience in animal husbandry. Maybe I'll even hear back from the craigslist person that absolutely needs a haircut tonight. They don't know I'm a disaster with all things cosmetic.

So the cord that connects the camera to the computer has been located, and I can finally post a picture of the rapey mural at the entrance of our apartment house. 

What a lovely nature scene. Looks pretty innocent no? Lets take a closer look.

Note the fat man wearing...a gray sumo thong? What's he got in that boat? It appears to be a woman slumped over face down- catch of the day perhaps?

And this little boy- he saw it all go down, and he will never be the same. EVER.

Yes, this beautiful work of art really is the focal point of the entrance to our historic spanish mission style (or something) house. Somebody made it and our landlord let it happen- maybe even payed for it.

The faucet was just too far from the sink basin- thank goodness Ben 'Contraption' Gordon was there to fix it.

It’s Yom Kippur, and being raised catholic, this is usually a day that comes and goes without as much as a raised eyebrow. Ben, however, being Jewish is practicing various rituals of atonement and I am fascinated. As far as I can tell, these include fasting from sunset on Sunday to sunset tonight, when he will break fast with the amazing traditional Yom Kippur meal that I plan to make after I go to the library and find out what that is, and lighting what’s called a Yahrzeit candle. The Yahrzeit candle burns for 24 hours in remembrance of those who have died. I think it’s a really nice thing to do. My only problem is that I feel the need to stay home and babysit the fucking thing. It is just a tiny little candle, but who leaves candles burning unattended in their apartment all day? And in Santa Barbara for fuck sake this place is always on fire.

23:34 Sunday, September 27th 2009

So here it goes. I am starting my first blog ever, with encouragement from Steve Lang, former sort of co-worker and fantastic last-minute-packer, and I have no idea what the hell to put here or how. I know I'd like to somehow avoid writing every damn thing in the first person and to generally shy away from informing any potential readers of what I ate today or what I 'm doing now at this exact fucking moment. So, wish me luck on not giving up entirely on this after a week or two.